5 Bad Habits in a Relationship
Minding your Manners
We’ve been taught growing up to always mind our manners. Our Ps and Qs. Even in our work situation, we have to maintain that decorum. Yet many people stop minding their manners once they’re in a long-term relationship. They forget to say their thank you’s and please. Or they forgot to say or show ‘I appreciate you’. The worse is they are too arrogant to say I’m sorry. Just because we share the same bed doesn’t allow us to stop having public manners in the privacy of our home. Being able to constantly say thank you and please when our partners do something nice for us shows our appreciation of their sincere effort to make us happy. Not being able to say ‘I’m sorry’ when you’ve done something that obviously upsets or riles up the partner shows our ego is at work here. Egotistical behaviour doesn’t belong in a loving relationship. A simple ‘I’m sorry’ can do wonders for the soul of the one being offered to.
Sulking (Silent Treatment)
When we were young children, we naturally sulk if we didn’t get what we want. Be it that extra chocolate or that toy in the store. Sometimes our mums placated us and try to cajole us out of our bad mood. Sometimes she ignored us and left us to our bad mood alone. Yet as adults, this sulking can be a sign of childish behaviour. It certainly is a bad habit in a grown up relationship. It shows a lack of respect and communication with our partner. When something goes wrong between 2 adults, the best course of action is not to ignore it and sulk away in a corner, thereby giving the other party the deadly silent treatment. No, sulking doesn’t help anyone in any way. It can only exacerbate the bad mood in the partner that has felt slighted. The best course is to take a deep breath, put aside that ego and start talking. Communication is the key to take that wedge away.
When friends are more important
Everyone of us loves having friends, be it a small circle of tight friends or a big group of a social circle we see once in a while. Having our own circle of friends is important in a relationship. We need to maintain that small part of our personal life yet when the friends and their opinions become more important than our partner’s, that’s where it crosses the line. Sharing our doubts and troubles with our friends can yield amazing insights and opinions. We should also be able to share the same doubts and troubles with our partner and listen to his/her opinions. It becomes dangerous for the relationship if we constantly value our friends’ opinions more than our partner’s. This can make them feel devalued and worthless. It can make them ask ‘what am I here for if not to share emotions and opinions?’ The best course of action? Listen to both sides and then make your own course of action. Unless that decision involves your partner and can affect your relationship’s future.
Not respecting partner’s boundaries
I’m sure everyone has read that viral Facebook post of the guy who’s wife divorced him for insisting on keeping his used drinking glass on the counter instead of putting it in the dishwasher. In his eyes, this was a small thing. In his wife’s eyes, it was a bad habit that she didn’t like and it ultimately led to her divorcing him. It’s actually not about the habit so much as not respecting your partner’s boundaries. All habits are tolerable until it crosses one person’s boundaries. Not liking to shower every day? Not a problem. Until your partner has to mention how much you stink. And then having to repeat this after every 3 days. Lots of bad habits can be forgiven in the honeymoon period of a relationship. Yet many of these habits that started of endearing can become pretty annoying after a while. If we realise that a partner’s habit is getting ingratiating, then it’s time to have a good chat with them. Maybe they don’t realise that it is annoying you. It’s also important that the partner really takes stock of what habits and actions that can push our loved one’s boundaries. Is it constantly picking our toes while watching TV? Is it constant interruption while they are talking? Is it even constantly forgetting to pick up the small grocery list that they’ve asked? This just shows that we have a lack of respect for their opinions and their needs.
Negative Tit for Tat
It’s nice isn’t it when our partner buys us a bunch of beautiful flowers as a thank you when we took him to his favourite restaurant to celebrate his promotion at work? It’s nice too when she remembers to send your mum a birthday card as you’ve remembered hers. What about if this tit for tat was the negative way? You decided to embarrass him in front of his friends because you know, he did the same to you 10 months ago. Or maybe he forgot to attend a work do that’s important to you and you feel inclined to do the same to him. She keeps leaving your beer out of the fridge and so you decide to leave her almond milk out on the counter? A relationship is not about keeping a scorecard. A loving relationship is not about who’s better than the other. If that’s the case then it’s a competition. A competition of who’s leaving that toxic environment first! The only tit for tat ‘competition’ in a relationship should be of gratitude and kindness. Any other crosses into a negative and toxic territory and is ripe for a good cleanup.